Trapped

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble.  A bubble that crushed all of the dreams I worked so hard to achieve, at least temporarily. This bubble changed my life in a way I never expected and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get out.  Sometimes I feel like I’m finally close to breaking free, but then I sink back down and any chance of normalcy seems out of reach again.

As I write this, I feel like I should be ashamed of my current situation, but I’m not ashamed because I haven’t completely given up hope and I’m not at fault for the unforeseen turn my life has taken.  To say I’m extremely disappointed would be putting it mildly, but I don’t feel there is a word to fit the many emotions I feel.

All of these emotions come just a couple of years after accomplishing lifelong goals of completing law school as a single parent, becoming an attorney and unexpectedly meeting (and later marrying) the love of my life.  Everything was falling into place, but that didn’t last long because during this time I was also diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and multiple sclerosis has a way of creeping in and changing life for the worse.

Although I’m currently in a place where I feel damaged, sometimes useless even, and I long every day for the life I thought I would have, I am not defeated and I will not give up without a fight.  I am determined to find a way to put my life back together, I just have to find the energy….

Although Fenway is a service dog in training and is legally allowed in public places by law (thankfully the Massachusetts laws are similar to Florida laws regarding service dogs), we had originally made other plans for him while we were watching the Red Sox play in Boston.

Right before game time we found out that those plans didn’t work out, but Fenway was as well behaved as he always is while at the game. He appeared to provide comfort to grandpa but our pup didn’t seem impressed at all with the media ;)

Fenway’s a bit bored by the media….at Fenway Park.

Having a great time in the best city on earth – Boston!

Yesterday was a long day, and Grandpa fell asleep right after dinner but hopefully he was able to get some rest before the big day today. 

We stopped by Fenway Park yesterday afternoon to walk around.  We all loved seeing the smile on grandpas face.   My uncle Dennis wanted to walk a lap around Fenway Park (while pushing grandpa in his Red Sox Nation wheelchair).   If we would have known we were going to be greeted by media at the end of the walk, most of us would have opted for a little window shopping in the air conditioned sports stores instead of walking in a big square getting sweaty ;) 

Grandpa was interviewed, and I had given out a warning beforehand that when he is asked questions he tends to freeze up sometimes or get lost in thought while trying to gather his words.  He surprised us all because he answered questions like a natural for the most part.  We should all know not to ever underestimate grandpa!   

During the interview there was a great surprise because Mike Lowell was walking down the sidewalk and came up and shook grandpas hand and chatted for a bit.  Grandpa and the family were awe struck.  

After the interview, we checked in to the Westin Waterfront and we were amazed once again (there is a shirt in the gift shop that says “Pinch me, I’m dreaming” and we agreed that it portrayed exactly how we feel).   The hotel is beautiful, the rooms are breathtaking, the staff was wonderful – and the outpours of kindness and generosity continue to warm our hearts.   

I had planned to post more while here, but it’s been very busy, especially with grandpa and his paparazzi (as we like to tease him).  

Our one regret – allowing the videographer to somehow talk us in to singing “Take me out the the Ballgame” .. as we all swayed opposite directions and sang out of tune.  I really wish I could blame that on having a few cocktails first, but most of us don’t drink at all and none of us drink much, so there is no good excuse : / 
I’m still trying not to think about all of the pictures that have been taken, because although I can write about almost anything, I’ve never liked photos and neither has most of the family.   A couple of years ago I had Bells Palsy for a couple of days (symptom from my multiple sclerosis) and my posed smiles tend to look lopsided a lot of times, but this is about grandpa, so I’m trying to just go with it.   

Grandpa is getting ready right now, and very excited.   We still can’t believe he is going to get to say “Play Ball” and I was a bit taken back by the way he just belted it out when asked during the interview yesterday, considering he is normally pretty soft spoken.   

Later that afternoon when getting settled in the room, grandpa was lying down on the chaise so we could elevate his leg and looking out the window at the breathtaking view and said, “I sure wish grandma were here with us to experience all of this.”   :( 

Right now we are getting ready to take our pup Fenway to Fenway Bark where he will stay while we are at Fenway Park (he can get in since he is a service dog, but figured it would be a bit crazy there), and it won’t be long before we are headed out to watch the Sox beat the Yankees!  ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage

THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE THAT HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN!  We cannot say it enough!!