Trapped

I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble.  A bubble that crushed all of the dreams I worked so hard to achieve, at least temporarily. This bubble changed my life in a way I never expected and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get out.  Sometimes I feel like I’m finally close to breaking free, but then I sink back down and any chance of normalcy seems out of reach again.

As I write this, I feel like I should be ashamed of my current situation, but I’m not ashamed because I haven’t completely given up hope and I’m not at fault for the unforeseen turn my life has taken.  To say I’m extremely disappointed would be putting it mildly, but I don’t feel there is a word to fit the many emotions I feel.

All of these emotions come just a couple of years after accomplishing lifelong goals of completing law school as a single parent, becoming an attorney and unexpectedly meeting (and later marrying) the love of my life.  Everything was falling into place, but that didn’t last long because during this time I was also diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and multiple sclerosis has a way of creeping in and changing life for the worse.

Although I’m currently in a place where I feel damaged, sometimes useless even, and I long every day for the life I thought I would have, I am not defeated and I will not give up without a fight.  I am determined to find a way to put my life back together, I just have to find the energy….

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