When hurricane warnings are given, the information is rarely accurate. Meteorologists point to at least a dozen areas on a map with lines drawn in various directions that ultimately land on potential target areas. The storm (if it even hits) can at times be devastating, or it can blow over and be almost uneventful. Most everyone in the storms projected path becomes anxious because they don’t know what to expect. Some arrange to flee the area and find a safe place to stay until the storm has passed, while others aren’t able to escape so they brace themselves while still hoping for the best.
Tonight I feel like the person that isn’t able to escape, and although it is not an actual hurricane I fear, it feels somewhat similar. My anxiety is caused by being trapped while my own body attacks itself and all too familiar symptoms of multiple sclerosis start to surface once again. I have been having serious struggles with various symptoms for some time now, and try to remain positive. The symptoms I feel setting in today are not foreign to me. I remember them all too well because the last time they started I soon felt like I was swept inside a tornado, taking one hit after another, never knowing what to expect next and wanting nothing more than to find my way to safe ground where my aches, pains, extreme fatigue and cognitive issues were replaced with the normalcy I once took for granted.
Like an impending storm, there is no way to know if these symptoms I feel coming on will pass over, or if they will lead me to dark places I don’t ever want to revisit. There is no way to ease the tension as I wait and wonder how big of an impact, if any, this damage to my nerves will have on the already diminished quality of my life. All I can do is brace myself and remind myself that no matter what, I will find a way out of the storm.